When Desperation Drives Behavior

We don't often consider the variety of the American diet until it is limited. Sometimes just being told we can't have something makes us want it more. But in a healthy body, sometimes it's the body that craves something it is lacking.

Over the past week I have really come to miss milk. It's not like I haven't had dairy. My refrigerator is stocked with string cheese, which I think might have a shelf life of a year. Well, maybe not a year. But as April progresses, and even the left over milk my mom gave me to make a recipe for Easter is gone, I have found myself craving milk at unusual times, like in the middle of the night. I am not an evening snacker, nor do I wake up for midnight snacks. So to wake up and crave a glass of milk is clearly a sign that desperation is driving an entirely new side to me.

So when I went over to my parents' house last night for dinner -- talk about delicious! -- I requested a glass of milk with my meal. Aside from coffee, I'm not sure I've ever requested anything but water to drink. Every now and then, on hot summer nights, Mom will make a round of root beer floats for everyone. So I'm not saying I never drink anything but coffee or water, just that I don't usually request anything else.

So Mom made a brisket, carrots and cabbage -- and I drank my milk. At the end of the evening I noticed Mom had been to the store and bought green grapes. I eyed those grapes so hard it was all I could do not to ask for a small bunch.

I don't live alone. I have a resident companion named Emma, a small sun conure, who relies on me to bring her fresh fruit in addition to her balanced meal plan of approved parrot food. For the last week, her grapes have started looking a little brownish, but still mostly firm -- not spoiled quite yet. [You can try the computer jigsaw puzzle of Emma at http://www.bellaonline.com/ArticlesP/art61326.asp]

And so, when I saw those grapes, sitting there in all their glory, I knew how very much she would appreciate 10 or 12 big, globe-shaped, crisp, green grapes to last her until May. And so I did what people do when they are desperate, I ooed and awed over them until Mom asked if I would like some. I quickly fetched a small locked bag and pulled off a bit for Emma. And then it happened... my dark side emerged.

"You're not giving those to that parrot are you?" Mom asked. I couldn't lie, I didn't want to lie, but if I tried to explain to her how desperate Emma must be, craving a bit of crisp, fresh fruit, she might have taken them away. You see, in my parents' home, people are people and animals are pets. Pets do not eat food intended for people.

So I did the unthinkable. I started popping one after another into my mouth. "I'm eating them," I said. It was true. I was eating them. I was eating them in front of her, but I really wanted to take them home to my beloved pet. I grabbed a few more to fill my little bag and I set it in my purse. It was misleading, I know, but I did it for my bird.

How many times do we feel outrage at people who lie at the office, undermine others to get promotions, commit crimes -- and then have the audacity to say, "I'm so sorry. I was only doing it to give my kids a better life." I have been the victim of that speech many times.

Would Emma have lived without the grapes? Sure. Would she have been just as healthy and just as happy? Probably. Would she have honestly known the difference? Probably not. Taking grapes to Emma was something I wanted to do. Taking grapes away from my folks, who struggle with medical bills and other things I won't go into, wasn't really fair. My mom gave me the grapes in good faith that they were for me. As someone who is a stickler for the rules, and for doing the right thing even when it's really hard to do, I think I'm going to take the baggie of grapes back this afternoon and confess the truth. After all, desperation drives bad behavior only when we consciously allow it to.

Best of the NW! What a Great Sale!

Mom called today to tell me about a great sale at a local grocery store tomorrow. Suddenly, a few sentences into our call she remembered my experiment, and said, "Oh Honey, I totally forgot you weren't buying food this month."

This is a very good example of a "deal" a lot of families aren't able to take advantage of or enjoy. Two pounds of cheddar cheese for $4.69. Two gallons of milk for $3.69. Lean ground beef for $1.49/pound. Ten pounds of potatoes for $1.49. It's an ad that I'm sure will draw a lot of people. The store is calling this their "Best of the Northwest" sale. But for families who don't have money left over, even the best sale in the Northwest won't help them.

Of course I'm bummed about missing out on this great sale too. But it makes me grateful that I'm missing out as part of an experiment and not because I simply cannot afford to put food on the table. And it increases my awareness and compassion for those who are missing out because they don't have the extra funds this month to stock up.

Do you want to make a difference? You can!! Donate to any charity that offers hunger relief and tell us about the charity you chose and what makes it special in your community.

Food is Just Not That Interesting Anymore

The weirdest thing is starting to happen. Take the convenience and the selection out of food -- and after a while, it goes back to being what it was intended for. Fuel. The fun of food -- the indulgence and the overindulgence, comes in the creativity, the abundance, the convenience, adn the shared experiences of eating what we want, where we want, when we want, as much as we want -- with who we want.

It's not that I have come to dislike food. Food is great. It's especially great when it's shared with friends and when we get to eat whatever sounds good at the time. And until I attempted this experiement, I had no idea how much food I had actually stockpiled.

I could probably still eat from my cupboards for another month from today! But the truth is, food is just not that interesting anymore. What is interesting? People have become more interesting. Instead of looking forward to what's for dinner, I've started looking forward to who might like to come over for a cup of coffee. It's a nice change - a healthy change -- and another change worth celebrating. This experiment is something I would recommend. It's perspective changing in a positive way.

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Living Near Family... & a recipe @ the end

Living near family opens up a whole lot of opportunities that simply don't exist with just friends. I have some wonderful friends, but none of them invite me over for holiday dinners. And maybe that's because they know I do have a family to spend the holidays with.

Today being Easter, I went to my auntie's house for lunch. It was very delicious. Isn't every meal a little more delicious when someone else makes it?

So mom asked if I would make my green bean casserole... which I make a little differently than most people. (Recipe below.) I told her I couldn't, as I am out of milk. I had the remaining ingredients in my pantry. Ideally, for this experiment, I probably should have tried to improvise without milk... added water or some funky combination of condensed milk or half and half and water.

Mom must have really wanted my green bean casserole as she offered up a half-used half gallon of milk. Boy was I ever so grateful to have that!! I had to toss the rest of my milk a few days ago as it had grown mighty ripe to sour smell.

To be fair, I did not ask for the milk. I simply explained that I didn't have the ingredients to make the dish. I will admit that I was practically jumping for joy when she offered me her half-used container. I don't think I've ever been so delighted to receive secondhand milk.

Lunch was good -- interesting -- as family gatherings usually are. This being a public forum, I will just leave it at that. Nice day -- and a great blessing to have Dad home.

Now for the recipe... this one is unique but worth a try.

3 cans of French cut green beans (drained)
1 can mushroom soup
1 can milk
1 can shitake mushrooms (drained)
About 3/4 cup of veggie sticks from Trader Joes mashed up
1 large can of French's dried onions (divided)
2 packets of soy sauce you get with take-out at your local Chinese or Japanese restaurant

Add all of the ingredients except the French's dried onions. Stir. Add 1/3 of the big can of fried onions and stir again and bake at 350 for 25 minutes. Sprinkle remainder of fried onions on top and put back in oven for 10 minutes.

Serve. And of course... enjoy!

Changing My Ways

The most interesting thing about this experiment is that I have actually started to notice myself "thinking" differently.

I no longer scour the food ads thinking, "What do I want to buy?" Since I'm not food shopping this month, I'm not really scouring them at all because there are other forms of reading for entertainment that I prefer. But I don't even think about it. A local grocery store sent me a $15 off a $50 purchase coupon. Before I would have saved it and used it just for the sake of using it, because obviously, "It's a good buy." But if I didn't need $50 worth of groceries, is it really a good buy? So I gave it to my mom.

I did go out to eat today -- but I didn't buy any food (or beverage). My friend Laurie wanted to take my sister and me out for our birthdays (which are two weeks apart). My meal was free because Red Robin sends out an e-mail coupon for a free burger on your birthday if you join their club. Laurie was sweet to pick up my ice tea. The burger was great. The service was better. And the company was even better than the service (which was better than great!)

It was the first time this month I have been out to eat at a restaurant. While it was fun to get out with the girls... I haven't missed going out to eat. I do miss my friends when I don't get to see them.

Once again this experiment proves that 1) People make dining fun! Whether it's the company, great service, or a combination, people trump food. And 2) Once you get over the convenience of eating out or picking something up at the store at the last minute -- eating at home is at least as pleasurable as eating out. It's healthier too.

While I only have 20 more days of this experiment, I don't foresee myself giving up this new way of dining -- planning ahead, using what's in my cupboard, eating a little less (fewer calories) and focusing on who I dine with rather than what we eat. Is it possible to change my ways in only 10 days? Maybe. If the new way is that much better than the old way -- yes, I think I just might be changing my ways for the better.

Good Morning - Would you Like Some Sour Milk?

Since I'm not food shopping this month, I've been rationing myself on some of the essentials -- because I need for them to last. One of those things is milk. My container of milk, which I bought on March 31, listed the sell by date as April 13. You have to figure that if the sell by date is April 13, the milk will be good at least until April 16th or 17th.

Today, I decided to have Cheerios for breakfast. I put them in a bowl, sliced up a kiwi my mom gave me a few days ago on top and opened the refrigerator to take out the milk.

When I opened the milk, it was clearly sour. There was no way I could smell it let alone put it on my cereal and eat it.

How many families who are living paycheck to paycheck save their milk, hoping to make it last until the next payday -- or close to it -- only to discover that not only is it gone, they could have enjoyed it only a day or two earlier?

I was talking to a friend of mine and I told her that if this were not an experiment, if I were literally living hand to mouth every month, I would save an emergency fund for the most basics like milk, bread, eggs -- things I knew I would need to get by. But she made a good point, where do you draw the line on the basics? Sure, milk, bread and eggs are basics, but what about rent? Is that a basic? What about electricity? For that matter, what about money for new shoes for a child who needs them to walk to the bus stop?

Many Americans have no idea what it means to experience total uncertainty about where the next meal will come from. But sadly, many do. Many families live hand to mouth every day.

Of course there are those who abuse the system. Sadly, there are parents who buy cigarettes instead of milk for their children, or who invest in a big screen TV instead of decent clothes or shoes for their kids. And there are those who just charge everything, hoping that things won't catch up to them "this month" or "next month." There are those who abuse the system, and that is wrong and there needs to be harsh consequences for that. But for those who are just honestly and legitimately trying to get by, is there not more we can do to help?

Can we spare a few dollars or a few cans of food to a charity that is working to help those most in need?

Today is Good Friday, a solemn time of reflection for Christians around the world. As we reflect on all we have to be thankful for, shouldn’t we also reflect on what we can do to make the world a little better for those living on the edge?

Missing the Convenience of Eating Out

Okay, so it's April 8, and I admit I miss eating out. I drove by my favorite sushi restaurant today and I nearly pulled into the parking lot. Then I drove by Safeway and I thought, "Wouldn't that Panda Express be great?" But a commitment is a commitment. This is hard -- but life is much harder for so many people who don't have enough food to feed their families -- and certainly who don't have the resources to get take-out.

Dad came home from the hospital tonight and I stayed for dinner at my parents' house. It is so great to have Dad home. We had meatloaf -- which was delicious despite the fact that I seldom eat meat -- and a green salad. It was nice to have new foods that are not in my freezer or pantry. It makes me consider the people who don't have the option of eating fresh fruits and veggies. In a difficult economy, what a gift it is to know that there are agencies and places dedicated to helping families and people in need. If you can afford to help out, they really need your spare change. It makes more of a difference than you know.

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday -- and it has been a really amazing day. Of course the fact that my father, who has been in the hospital since mid-March, is getting better was a huge gift. But this experiment has made me realize how many people are both available and willing to help if only we make the effort to ask.

As you know, the point of this blog and experiment has been to pay attention to how much food we waste, bring awareness of the families who struggle to survive and to also bring awareness of the agencies that help. Today, I am adding a fourth point to the value of this experiment -- and that is the value of asking for help. We all need help sometimes. Why are we so afraid to ask?

Last week, a friend of mine from jr. high, who now lives in LA, sent me a Facebook message that if I still lived in LA he'd have me over to dinner several times a week. It was a lovely gesture from a lovely man. Two states away, I won't be having dinner with David during this experiment -- but his offer serves as a valuable reminder of the millions of people who are happy to help when they see a need.

Because I knew I would be doing this experiment, I told my family that I didn't need "knick-knacks and things" for my birthday this year. And they listened. My mom filled my planters with fresh dirt and flowers -- and she made me breakfast. She drove over to my place with a bag of groceries, and made me breakfast in my kitchen before I went to Palm Sunday services. It was an amazing gift of her time, her love, her fantastic cooking -- and it confirmed to me that when we share our needs with others, they do listen and they do help as they can. What gets us into trouble is when we don't share and we expect others to read our minds.

My aunt and uncle brought a cake (lemon -- my favorite!) by my place to celebrate my birthday with me, my mom, sister and of course them. The cake was awesome and Mom took a small piece back to the hospital to share with Dad.

It's Day Five of the No Food Shopping Experiment... and I am loving this. I am learning to use what I have, ask for what I need, and express genuine gratitude for all the lovely people in my life who (like me) do wish to make a meaningful difference.

I don't really miss eating out. I don't miss the convenience of running to the store because "nothing looks good in my cupboard." Many people do not have the option of having a pantry, even a small one. How successful we feel is closely related to how much gratitude lives within our hearts.

If you can spare $1 or $5 today... please donate to your local food bank, soup kitchen or mission. Your spare change can make a world of difference to a family that is hungry and in need. Then, take a minute to add a comment about a favorite charity of yours that helps others. You may just bring awareness to someone who shares a passion to help. Their dollars combined with yours will help that many more people.

Day 3 - Getting Easier

Given the frustration I was experiencing yesterday, I was having serious doubts that I could complete this experiment all the way to April 30. Today was a lot easier. While I was super busy, both with clients (two different clients) and with ordinary life chores (getting Emma's wings clipped, picking up a prescription, dropping off some dry cleaning, paying rent, etc.) I made peace with the idea of eating at home.

Dad is still in the hospital for in-patient rehab and I didn't make it up to see him today; but I will go early tomorrow and take my breakfast to eat with him while he's eating his. I took flowers to his nurses in telemetry and the 5th Floor ortho wing tonight (different hospital); they really appreciated having a patient's family recognize the high level of care they give each patient.

If I hadn't gone home for lunch (since as you know I don't eat lunch out unless I pack it this month), I would have missed a call from Kaplan University to go over my program outline. I'm very honored and excited to be among their list of speakers for their online executive series in May. If you're a Kaplan University student, I'd love to have you join my sessions from 1:00-2:00 p.m. or 9:00-10:00 p.m. Eastern time on May 4. Going home for lunch was a good thing.

I have found that if I either am relaxed enough to plan my meals and snacks -- or I am so crazy busy I don't have time to even think about food -- that's when I do the best with this whole "no food shopping" experiment. This "no food shopping" experiment has enabled me to save a lot of money! I realized that when I do run into the store for one or two items, I always seem to walk out with a small bag full of other items I didn't know I needed. Since I no longer run in for a single food item, I don't run in for anything else either. Having said that -- I need to go to Macy's tomorrow to pay my bill. My hunch is that I will find a must-have item while there.

Last night, I went to the Taste of Home Cooking School at the Yakima Convention Center with my mom and sister. Fiesta Foods served samples of the most delicious fajita chicken, a local grocery store bakery served cake, and two wineries held wine tasting as part of the ticket price. (I bought the tickets back in March.)

Even though the food was included as part of the event, and hence not something I knowingly paid for, I am wondering if just the small joy of having someone cook and serve me samples sort of tempered my desire to eat out. The only way to find out is to go to Costco tomorrow and test all their free samples. If that holds me over for a week I'll know that I must have a gene that feels loved whenever anyone else serves me food, even if that food is a single bite served on a napkin or pressed down into a white paper cup the size of a pill cup in the hospital.

Better run. It's early and I'll need to get up early to make coffee, and breakfast, and make it across town to eat breakfast with Dad at 8:00. Sleep tight. And thank you for following my blog. Has it inspired you to donate money or food to a local charity? If so, please tell me about it and about the charity you enjoy supporting.

Healthy But Pain in the You Know What!

So it's April 2 and I'm already sort of tired of this experiment. The practical, logical side of me (which is about 65%) says, "Uh, you've got fresh milk, fresh bread, eggs, fruit, veggies -- you can't seriously be complaining yet." But the emotional side, of course, wants anything I don't have access to: sushi, Chinese food, a gyro!

So I decided to have a hardboiled egg for a snack, and while I thought about having a second one -- I realized that with only 24 eggs for the month, 12 of them hardboiled and 12 of them raw -- I needed to make the healthier choice of "one is enough." That was a good choice.

But since I can't just run to the store for lunch, I also had to think through what I would make.

Despite the fact that my freezer, refrigerator and pantry are stocked -- nothing looked good. I noticed a couple of ripe tomatoes on the kitchen tier, and since I'm not wasting food this month, I decided to make something with tomatoes. When I was a kid, my mom used to make a tomato and canned bean salad with a bit of mayo, salt and pepper. Since I have about 12 baby cucumbers, I decided to add one of those. Of course, I don't use canned green beans on a regular basis, so they are stored in the garage as opposed to my limited kitchen cupboard space.

Yakima is beautiful today -- sunny, no wind and about 53 degrees (which is a huge difference from the wind and snow flutters we had yesterday!) I opened my patio door, loving the sunshine, and I bounced happily out to my detached garage to get a can of beans. Unfortunately, while accessing them, I accidentally pushed another can which pushed my specialty bottled mushrooms in a savory Italian marinade off the shelf and onto the floor. Of course it broke. I was saving it for a spring or summer Italian or Greek salad. Too bad it's in the dumpster. Glass everywhere. I had to clean that up and my garage still smells like vinegar. Have you ever set out to do something that you really thought would be great and would help a lot of people, or even some people, only to feel kicked in the tushie? Well, that's how I felt when I was cleaning up the garage, trying not to get glass in my fingers.

When I got back into the house, I mixed together two medium tomatoes, a baby cucumber, a can of sliced beans, a tablespoon of Vegenaise (it's like mayo) and a sprinkling of Pampered Chef Italian Seasoning Mix. It is marinating in the refrigerator for lunch.

The reality is that many people are glad to have anything to eat. They would welcome the inconvenience of tossing the ingredients together. They would be so careful with the food they did have that they wouldn't have placed the mushrooms in a place where they would fall and splash on the floor. Despite the inconvenience -- I am blessed. I will have a healthy lunch and I will remember how fortunate I am to even have food in my pantry to make. So it's not exactly what I am craving at the moment. It's healthy, it will be delicious, and it's worth the effort to create change possibly in the world, but most certainly in myself.

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April 1: Tempted to reconsider

Unlike so many families who are laid off without notice, I prepared to some degree to begin this experiment. Since my father has been in the hospital since March 13, I didn't really have the clarity of mind to prepare well -- but I did prepare.

Most importantly, I went to my family doctor and my dentist in the past month and shared details about this experiment with them. Both reminded me to find a way to get a balance of protein, dairy, veggies, and fiber. (I'm not entirely sure that even in normal life I eat completely balanced meals -- but I understand their concern and I will make an effort.)

My mom bought a large container of kiwis at Costco today and when I dropped by to deliver a book to my sister and my dad's watch (which sister keeps for him overnight), I managed to bum three kiwis off my mom. Score!

A local Mexican restaurant sure smelled good when I was stopped at a light on my way home tonight. I imagined the refried beans with melted cheese, and the fajitas being grilled to perfection. I was tempted to reconsider this experiment. I thought about putting it off a day... starting April 2, ya know. But I held firm. I drove right on by. Imagine -- 30 days of no food shopping! No take-out or dining in -- no running to the store. For 30 days I will eat exclusively out of my freezer, pantry, refrigerator, and the kindness of others.

In the process I expect to find creative ways to use all of the food in my refrigerator (instead of throwing out leftovers) as well as learn to stop wasting as much as I do. I expect to increase my compassion for people and families who don't have the option of running to the store. And I hope to bring attention to the wonderful organizations that exist through the kindness of those willing to help feed a man, woman or child in need.

I hope you'll follow my posts and if you have a dollar or five dollars to spare, please consider donating it to a food bank, a soup kitchen or another organization that works to prevent hunger. If you make a donation this month... please leave a comment stating the organization you gave to and why you selected them. The amount of the gift does not matter... but please give, and post a comment to together, let's bring awareness of all the great places out there that work to make a difference by filling otherwise empty stomachs every day. Thank you and God bless.