When Desperation Drives Behavior

We don't often consider the variety of the American diet until it is limited. Sometimes just being told we can't have something makes us want it more. But in a healthy body, sometimes it's the body that craves something it is lacking.

Over the past week I have really come to miss milk. It's not like I haven't had dairy. My refrigerator is stocked with string cheese, which I think might have a shelf life of a year. Well, maybe not a year. But as April progresses, and even the left over milk my mom gave me to make a recipe for Easter is gone, I have found myself craving milk at unusual times, like in the middle of the night. I am not an evening snacker, nor do I wake up for midnight snacks. So to wake up and crave a glass of milk is clearly a sign that desperation is driving an entirely new side to me.

So when I went over to my parents' house last night for dinner -- talk about delicious! -- I requested a glass of milk with my meal. Aside from coffee, I'm not sure I've ever requested anything but water to drink. Every now and then, on hot summer nights, Mom will make a round of root beer floats for everyone. So I'm not saying I never drink anything but coffee or water, just that I don't usually request anything else.

So Mom made a brisket, carrots and cabbage -- and I drank my milk. At the end of the evening I noticed Mom had been to the store and bought green grapes. I eyed those grapes so hard it was all I could do not to ask for a small bunch.

I don't live alone. I have a resident companion named Emma, a small sun conure, who relies on me to bring her fresh fruit in addition to her balanced meal plan of approved parrot food. For the last week, her grapes have started looking a little brownish, but still mostly firm -- not spoiled quite yet. [You can try the computer jigsaw puzzle of Emma at http://www.bellaonline.com/ArticlesP/art61326.asp]

And so, when I saw those grapes, sitting there in all their glory, I knew how very much she would appreciate 10 or 12 big, globe-shaped, crisp, green grapes to last her until May. And so I did what people do when they are desperate, I ooed and awed over them until Mom asked if I would like some. I quickly fetched a small locked bag and pulled off a bit for Emma. And then it happened... my dark side emerged.

"You're not giving those to that parrot are you?" Mom asked. I couldn't lie, I didn't want to lie, but if I tried to explain to her how desperate Emma must be, craving a bit of crisp, fresh fruit, she might have taken them away. You see, in my parents' home, people are people and animals are pets. Pets do not eat food intended for people.

So I did the unthinkable. I started popping one after another into my mouth. "I'm eating them," I said. It was true. I was eating them. I was eating them in front of her, but I really wanted to take them home to my beloved pet. I grabbed a few more to fill my little bag and I set it in my purse. It was misleading, I know, but I did it for my bird.

How many times do we feel outrage at people who lie at the office, undermine others to get promotions, commit crimes -- and then have the audacity to say, "I'm so sorry. I was only doing it to give my kids a better life." I have been the victim of that speech many times.

Would Emma have lived without the grapes? Sure. Would she have been just as healthy and just as happy? Probably. Would she have honestly known the difference? Probably not. Taking grapes to Emma was something I wanted to do. Taking grapes away from my folks, who struggle with medical bills and other things I won't go into, wasn't really fair. My mom gave me the grapes in good faith that they were for me. As someone who is a stickler for the rules, and for doing the right thing even when it's really hard to do, I think I'm going to take the baggie of grapes back this afternoon and confess the truth. After all, desperation drives bad behavior only when we consciously allow it to.